My mother is sundowning and has taken to ringing me to harangue me in the evening.
Now there’s a joy.
This is not unusual in demented people, what I think may be unusual is my reaction to it. No matter how awful she gets I try to reply, rationally, always kindly and making her the centre of the universe, which she believes herself to be. This is not the unusual bit, all the booklets tell you to do this, so I do. It is pointless to argue with anyone with a compromised brain. In this category I would include all addicts, anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and anyone with a disease such as dementia that substantially destroys the brain. In such people the same devastation that is causing anti-social or aberrant behaviour also, obviously, affects the capacity of the individual to monitor that same behaviour. Someone struggling to make their own limbs work the way they want them to, is not going to be able to police any remarks they may be making, their own emotions or aggression, however manifest.
So every night and every visit I’m taking a verbal pasting and being grateful that it isn’t physical and successfully restraining any reciprocation but, and here’s the weird bit, immediately afterwards, I fall asleep. I have been doing this in the car for some time on the way home – what a good thing I’m not the one driving. But last night after the pasting I sat down to watch a television programme with the other half and was, he assures me, snoring volubly within a minute of sitting down. After an hour I was wide awake and absolutely fine but I could not have prevented myself from falling asleep under any circumstances.
It’s very strange and completely involuntary. I don’t think: That was awful, I think I’ll have a little sleep. I just sit down and wham! I’m gone.
I still sleep as normal at night. I don’t fall asleep at other times of the day. But after a pasting I’m out for the count. And that’s it really, the boxing metaphor is entirely appropriate here. Two rounds with my mother and I’m on the canvas dead to the world. I can only assume it is some protective mechanism.
It’s highly bizarre, unlike, of course dementia tra la.
Oh I am tired of this.
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