On the first day of inter-faith Winterval
My civil partner (or will be once we get the pre-nup sorted)
Gave to me:
A Hadron collider in CERN.
On the second day of inter-faith Winterval
My civil partner (or will be) gave to me:
Two dreadful TV talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the third day of inter-faith Winterval
My civil partner (nearly) gave to me:
Three sporting WAGS (without a Tiger)
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the fourth day of inter-faith Winterval
My civil partner gave to me:
Four liposucked celebs (and their plastic surgeons, Botox cosmeticians, apparel advisors, publicists and entourage)
Three sporting WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the fifth day of inter-faith Winterval
My partner gave to me:
Five Krugerrands (or Sovereigns, or Kronen, or Rubles, or Eagles, or other endlessly escalating investment coin.) (They’re actually Krugerrands, we’re having a special display case made for them.)
Four liposucked celebs
Three sport WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the sixth day of Winterval
Without asking me first, even though we both chose them, what is this, a dictatorship? my partner gave away:
Six paparazzi (+150gig of sleb wedding/divorce/weight exclusives)
Five Krugerrands,
Four sucked celebs
Three sport WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the seventh day of Winterval
I snatched from my partner (two can play at that game) and left at my mother’s house:
Seven sexy scandals (mainly Italian)
Six paparazzi
Five Krugerrands,
Four sucked celebs
Three sport WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the eighth day of Winterval
My partner and some of his muscle-bound thikko buddies with a bloody great container lorry stole from me:
Eight pop stars miming (and a video by their former manager of how they really sounded.) (Like a cat on an ice rink.)
Seven sexy scandals
Six paparazzi
Five Krugerrands,
Four sucked celebs
Three sport WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the ninth day of Winterval
My partner’s solicitor sent a formal note requesting:
Nine priests a sinning (all faiths, all countries)
Eight pop stars miming
Seven sexy scandals
Six paparazzi
Five Krugerrands,
Four sucked celebs
Three sport WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the tenth day of Winterval
My solicitor responded with a stiff letter demanding:
Ten banker’s bonuses (if the bastard is going to behave that way, he’s gonna suffer)
Nine priests a sinning
Eight pop stars miming
Seven sexy scandals
Six paparazzi
Five Krugerrands,
Four sucked celebs
Three sport WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the eleventh day of Winterval
My ex and I appeared in court to dispute:
Eleven cell phone ringtones (the judge said if any more went off while he was talking everyone would start the New Year in clink.)
Ten banker’s bonuses
Nine priests a sinning
Eight pop stars miming
Seven sexy scandals
Six paparazzi
Five Krugerrands
Four sucked celebs
Three sport WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
On the twelfth day of Winterval
I flew off to the sun with my new squeeze, leaving the ex to sort out:
Twelve politicians lying ( and all associated: expenses claim forms, second homes, mistresses, leaks, disclosures, court cases pending)
Eleven cell phone ringtones
Ten banker’s bonuses
Nine priests a sinning
Eight pop stars miming
Seven sexy scandals
Six paparazzi
Five Krugerrands,
Four sucked celebs
Three sport WAGS
Two talent shows
And a Hadron collider in CERN.
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