I used to think Paul Mc was really bright. I used to watch pop videos starring him and think ‘Cor! Look at the intelligence shining out there. How terribly fanciable is that?’ Because I’ve always been attracted by really big brains.
However, it now seems I may have been mistaken. Last week he announced his intentions to get married for the third time. It certainly shows faith in the outcome, a genuine liking for the opposite sex and terrific optimism considering how terribly well things didn’t go last time. All of that’s absolutely fine, jolly well done. What gets me is a possible lack of intelligence and the maths.
Let me see if I can get my calculator out to work out how I’m never the right age. First he married Linda who was a year older than him in 1969 and as he’s 9 years older than me and I was only 18 at the time, it would have been legal but I would have been too young and anyway I was busy being one of the great unwashed a student. So despite the fact that I had lusted after him for about 6 years non stop since I saw him bounce on to the stage at the Sunderland Empire, I can quite understand that I might have been a bit young and stupid first time round when he fancied getting married. Fair enough. I was too young.
Second time he married it was to a woman more than quarter of a century younger than him. Quite suddenly I had gone from being 9 years too young to 26 years too old. How did that happen? Did I suddenly stop paying attention or had 21 years of motherhood and 26 years of marriage aged me horribly? (Yes actually but that’s a different story.)
Now it’s Nancy suddenly I’ve caught up a bit. I think it may be because I’ve been working out every day for the last ten years but now I’m only 9 years too old, despite being 9 years younger than him.
So has he got a celebrity time telescope or something? Do I just have to wait this one out and hope that 9 years would be exactly the correct age gap? I have most of my own teeth and a lot of my own interests but would like to point out that if he doesn’t get a move on in my direction my enthusiasm is definitely waning. I was fully prepared to need him and feed him at 64 but if he doesn’t hurry up we’ll both be past it.
So now we come to the question of intelligence. You see, he can’t be all that bright because he has completely failed to marry me three times now. I feel this displays a lack of something but I’m not quite sure what.
Don’t start pointing out that I’m only five foot two, because when did a good little ‘un ever fail to beat a good big ‘un? And mentioning the fact that we’ve never actually shaking hands met is getting picky, I feel. And it’s no use attempting to console me with the parallel universe thingy; I know I’m married to him on several other alternate universes but in several other other alternative universes I’m also a fish. So that won’t wash. (I’m a fish, I don’t need to.)
So why am I not married to Paul McCartney? Is it because he simply doesn’t realise that he should? Is it the expanding and contracting maths? Do we need to get Brian Cox in to explain the parallel universe thingy to him? What can the reason possibly be? I don’t know. Do you know? No?
I’ll have to wait until my husband gets back from golf and ask him.
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JaneLaverick.com – a bit miffed.