The new Artisans in Miniature Imag, which is free (my favourite price for anything, except beatings up and manglings) (of which more not very much later) (have you had breakfast yet?) (nothing runny, I hope) has just escaped. You can find it here www.artisansinminiature.com
In it you will find a contribution from me containing some absolute horror stories. Rarely has so much blood been spread gratuitously about a small screen. I feel I could give lessons to the Hammer House of Horror and other purveyors of gore. Lessons? I could give masterclasses! Moreover it is all true! It all began when I innocently (see how good a horror film this is? They all start with innocence, it’s traditional) asked if any AIM members had damaged themselves at all in the course of making minis. The reason I asked is that I do it all the time. Miniatures are small but hands are regular hand size; miniaturists make miniatures out of genuine hard wood (off trees) cut down to tiny sizes on full size power tools.
I can see you getting the hang of this at once. When I say hang I actually mean hanging off, often by a thread with blood spurting everywhere. It had been my intention to write up, comically, a few light incidents in which miniaturists had done the things I do, such as sand all the fingernails off one hand when I’m grit scrubbing, or chop a fingernail off with a scalpel.
So I sat at my keyboard with a happy smile on my innocent (spot that word again?) little mush, like someone on a picnic chair at the foot of an avalanche. You will not believe the gore! (Ooh, listen, I’ve gone into cinema mode.) Thrill to the action! Shrink from the blood! Be astounded! (I was.)
Would you like a trailer? Would you like a featurette that isn’t even in the main article? Is your last meal thoroughly digested?
Gerry De Cave who looks like a sweet little grandmother innocently (now you know it’s going to be bad) doing crafty things is actually a person in possession of a table saw. She uses it to make things like this:
How fantastic is this?
Upon the fateful Sunday afternoon, building with enthusiasm, Gerry was narrowing a piece of wood with her saw which had a nice new blade (a sharp one) all the time thinking of the splendid shop she was going to make. This is where it all started to go horribly wrong, I feel. What should she have been thinking of? Deep in thought Gerry, who couldn’t find her push stick, decided to use her finger as a push stick instead. There was a mighty thwack, which Gerry didn’t even feel (new blade, no wailing) and, as Gerry describes it: all that blood spurting out. So she wrapped her hand and ran to the car when she encountered her grand daughter, begged her not to tell Poppy, and went to have her finger sewed back on. As you do. Gerry never mentioned how she got there, just that she went to the car alone, having sworn her grand daughter to secrecy. So that must have been an interesting journey.
Some time later at her own doctor’s to have the stitches removed, Gerry was asked how the accident happened; when she replied that it was on her table saw the doctor remarked, ‘Oh we have a table saw, do we?’
Yes Gerry does and when she’s not using it to chop her fingers off, she’s making fantastic things like this with it.
I would have to say if you thought that was gory good there’s much more in the magazine. I had no notion of the things beyond horrible that miniaturists were doing to themselves in the name of art. Talk about suffering for art! (They did, starting on page 26.)
Meanwhile you can catch up with all that Gerry makes at www.decavedesign.com
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JaneLaverick.com – bringing you bits of miniaturists. Mainly fingers.