Television channels and magazines are full of them, this time of year. Quizzes, that is. This is actually because no editor can get the journalists out of the bar for love nor money. Here the quiz is because I like you to feel this blog is edgy**, competitive*** and very very trendy.****
It is a pop quiz but not terribly up to date for the simple reason that I stopped listening to pop music about forty years ago. I don’t even understand the names of the artists anymore. They call themselves things like ‘Snoof buffalo earwax 93’ but I bet their mothers call them Kevin.
I have written and researched the questions but sadly ran out of time for the answers. This is a good thing as it means you can’t be wrong, always a good quizzer’s attitude, I feel. There are absolutely no prizes, don’t try to call a call line; there isn’t one and you can post your name and address to anywhere you like before next Wednesday and you still won’t win a house in the Algarve, or a flat in Manchester, or a speedboat*****
Ready? Oh, I should have said, it’s multiple choice, so not having any idea at all of the answers is no bar to success, just like the TV quiz shows. All we need is a quiz show host
There you are. Right, off we go.
1) Who was Sade’s ‘smooth operator’? Was it:
a an eyebrow threader
b a spanx retailer
c Dyson hair tongs
d a Botox specialist
e a particularly short sharp leg waxer
2) When Queen wanted it all and wanted it now, who were they talking to on the phone? Was it
a the local water agency about the water coming out of the taps knotted and a funny shade of green?
b a robot to go and fetch an actual human to close a bank account
c a manufacturer in a country where no one speaks English to get a missing charger for a brand new, very expensive all singing smartphone, or it would be if you could charge the battery
3) ‘Wheels on fire rolling down the road’ refers to:
a a fashionably tight pair of boots that were pinching her bunions
b the size of her ankles after a long haul flight to a gig in China
c a quotation from a garage for rotating her radials
4) In the song ‘White Christmas 24’ what is causing the white? Is it
a snow – come on it’s 15 degrees out there
b dandruff
c an explosion in the local toilet roll factory caused by a fatberg blocking the main drain
5) What do you want if you don’t want money? Could it be
a Someone reliable to clean the gutters
b a pair of jeans that fits around the waist without causing a muffin top
c slippers with a reasonable heel
6) In the song ‘Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away’ what other items were selected for regifting but not mentioned in the lyrics?
a a bottle of hai karate aftershave from 1973
b lace trimmed Yfronts with a dancing poodle motif
c 52 small charity shop gift bags made from recycled saris
7) In the Bing Crosby song, why was it beginning to look a lot like Christmas, was it?
a Chocolate Easter Eggs in the supermarket
b you’ve just discovered three Amazon deliveries with unknown names and blurred addresses in your green bin
c your inbox is rammed with January Sale adverts from online places you visited once who got your contact details and are persistently delete resistant
8) In the song ‘I will do anything for love but I won’t do that’. What was it he wouldn’t do?
a vacuum the stairs
b empty the dishwasher
c clean the oven
d take out the recycling
e fish the gunk out of the plughole
f clean the toilet properly and then clean the loo brush
g wipe his feet on the mat instead of trailing mud up the hall
h arrange some flowers that were gifted by a neighbour into a vase
I bring a clean tea towel downstairs for the kitchen
j do anything at all with a used tea bag except leave it on the side of the sink
Answers
Anything you like, really, or, all of them especially 8
Poptastic, wasn’t it?
~~~~~~~~~~~
* Any year
**not very
***no
****about forty years ago
*****handy in Meriden, centre of the UK but there is no need to worry as there are no prizes anyway. The only reward is the satisfaction of knowing you did a quiz, about something popular and got it right.
Well done. If anyone says you’re not up with the date or down with the kidz (see how very modern that looks, replacing the letter s to indicate a plural with the letter z, which doesn’t, but is edgy (see **).). You can tell them you did a pop quiz and won. If you need proof send a self addressed stamped envelope and I’ll return it with ‘yes’ written on a bit of paper inside.******
******Though you still won’t have won a speedboat.