Settle down, settle down. No talking at the back there. Now everyone is just as keen as you are to graduate to 2021, but first there is the small matter of the year end exam before you can go. We’ll have no copying, write on two sides of the paper only and if it’s not legible that will be an automatic fail. There are plenty of places to repeat the year if you haven’t been paying attention. You have an hour to complete this, answer all the questions and there are no multiple choice, so don’t think you’re getting away with a stab in the dark.
Time starts now.
1. Why is there nothing on TV?
2. What have you done with the Q19F/expenses duplicate forms I handed to you as you were going out for a smoke by the dustbins?
3. Shouldn’t you be wearing a different bra with that jumper?
4. We ask that you please wait patiently in the queue until our operators, who are all busy helping people more important than you, have time to deal with your enquiry. You are number
95
in the queue.
5. Was it you who washed the glue down the sink to recycle the pot?
6. How much is left in the current account?
7. Are you going to do the washing up before you go to bed? You’re not just going to leave it to fester overnight, are you?
8. Aren’t you the person I saw last March in Tesco with two trolleys full of toilet rolls?
9. Explain social distancing to a two year old.
10. Did you eat the last chocolate biscuit?
11. Can you find the end on this roll of clear sticky tape?
12. Illustrate the differences between the GNP of any EU member state and any independent country in the Southern Hemisphere pre and post 2020 with at least two examples of exports and imports, excluding handbags.
13. Why are there paw prints in the butter?
14. What made you think that hairstyle was a good idea?
15. Compare and contrast the pre2019 fishing quotas of Costa del Sol and Wolverhampton.
16. Please have the proof that you did not receive your package ready when our operator asks for it.
17. What time do you call this?
18. Explain, with diagrams, the GDP regulations for any former EU member post-Brexit.
19. If you’re going shopping could you get me something nice and different for tea?
20. Multiply the R rate by the incubation period and subtract the tier in a five mile radius, expressing your answer as a factor of annoyance.
21. Are you not going to bother getting dressed at all today, then?
22. What do you think, should I go to A&E with this cut finger and risk getting something, or just let it fall off? Look, I think you can see the bone but I don’t want to look, what do you think? Hmm?
23. Write a hundred word appreciation of any politician who has not been sacked yet.
24. So, what are your holiday plans for 2021?
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