No, not a music hall act with a dummy, more like a plumbing act with a couple of dummies.
One of the items that has been installed, nearly, is a second bathroom, so that when the family come to stay there is adequate provision for assorted ablutions.
When the electricians installed the lights and the extractor fan the first time round, there was a big red switch high up on the wall to isolate the shower, which therefore, was permanently switched on. When the original shower in the old bathroom died the visiting engineer peculiar to that brand of shower told us that the most crucially important action was to switch the shower off at the dangling switch after every use. The shower, he told us, did not like being left switched on.
Now you already know my opinion of electrical gadgets and their diva-like tendencies. Therefore, alarmed was I? No, not at all, I was expecting it and, moreover, surprised not to be appraised of a list of cleaning agents the shower would favour, and which radio station it preferred.
When the electricians for the new bathroom next appeared we informed them of the preferences of the shower and a pull switch was installed to replace the big red switch that I could not reach.
At the weekend, the plumber having informed us that the new bathroom was useable, the OH had a go. The shower worked but the extractor fan did not.
So we climbed up into the loft, looking for the duct which was ushering the hot wet air out into the outside world.
Nothing. Nada. Not a sausage. No duct.
At half eight this morning the plumber arrived, which forestalled an angry call to the office. We climbed into the loft and removed the floorboard in the relevant area. There was the plastic fan under a screwed down floorboard venting into nowhere. If the electrical safety switch had not come into operation and switched the fan off it would have sprayed the insulation material between the floorboards with condensation until they eventually soaked the ceiling and the ceiling came down.
At this juncture the plumber phoned the office, said he had to be somewhere else and left. The electricians say they usually write ‘ducting to be installed by someone else’ and the builder, who is on holiday for the fifth time in this build, I have emailed.
The only good thing is that I owe them all money.
Neither a borrower or a lender be.
Unless you are beset by trades.
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