Can there possibly be any advantages to having dementia over other diseases?
I think there are.
It took three days before I was able to speak to my mother in hospital, although I had spoken to plenty of medical staff. The direct line to the ward was permanently giving out a ‘lines are engaged please try again later’ message. When I got through via the central switchboard, eventually, my mother was being washed or having tea or sleeping. In the end the switchboard operator, convinced by my anguish that I was ill, could not visit, had spoken to my mother every day for three and a half years and was certain she would think I had abandoned her, got hold of someone very senior in a board meeting and after two goes with help from the ward sister, my mother rang me.
Have you ever lain awake for several nights coughing and worrying only to find you needn’t have bothered (the worrying that is, not the coughing, though I could definitely do without that all the time.)
So my mother came on the phone, bright as a button. She was pleased to hear me but surprised because she was on a cruise ship moored outside Newcastle. The ratio of stewards to cruisers was very good, the food was excellent and the entertainment was superb. The beds were magic. She hadn’t been able to go to sleep, so one of the stewards did a magic trick with the bed, which changed shape! There were four people in her room, two very chatty but one opposite her had senile dementia, poor soul.
I told her that her favourite carers were coming in every day and asked if there was anything she wanted. Apparently not, the food was excellent. She was on a high from talking to me and would see me when she docked.
When she went into hospital when my father died, she kept telling me she was in a big hotel. When she has strokes, she isn’t frightened and three days later has forgotten anything has happened.
I don’t know of another illness that takes your fear and hides it from you.
So if you have ever been terrified of dementia don’t be. Make your plans early and then relax, safe in the knowledge that by the time the disease has progressed to the later stages, you won’t be there at all. You’ll be on a cruise ship, moored outside of Newcastle and the entertainment will be superb. Which is nice.
I’ve stopped worrying about her cat too. The neighbour who is feeding him reports that he stopped looking for my mother after a couple of days and is instead happy as can be. Well of course he is, he can sleep in the middle of her chair, without her to shove him over and arrange his paws the way she thinks they should go. And, as there is no one to shut him in the kitchen at night, he’ll be upstairs sleeping on her bed.
I hope he’s enjoyed the holiday. She’s coming home tomorrow, breathing easier and full of antibiotics, maybe missing the stewards and definitely missing the magic beds.
I’ve sent the groceries but I’m not visiting until I’m properly better, not only uninfectious but also, if possible, rested. I don’t know, I could do with a cruise or something.
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Steward! More champagne, over here!