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Category Archives: The parrot has landed.
The gasman cometh.
Do you recall a song sung by Flanders and Swan called ‘The gasman cometh?’ They started with a gas tap that wouldn’t turn on and ended by calling out every type of tradesman there is. The chorus went: Oh it … Continue reading
A bit challenged.
What would be ideal, seven weeks before Miniatura, would be nights full of restful sleep, good health and a nice space in the home or workshop to work hard from morning to night. Lovely. Have I got that? No. Have … Continue reading
Middle aged vampires; fangs for the memory.
I have a feeling they are going to keep coming back, middle age is like that whether you’re a vampire or not; it’s just one thing after another. 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 Well that was a bit tricky; are you all right? Yeff. … Continue reading
Middle-aged vampires.
I was watering the tomatoes at dusk when I heard above me the sound you would get if you sat suddenly on a teddy bear. I looked up to see two bats wheeling away from each other, rather sharply. Of … Continue reading
Horrible trouble on the piste.
When I was about fourteen, I think, I went skiing with the school. I was persuaded, against my better judgement, that this would be a wonderful thing. I knew it was going to be rubbish from the start. I … Continue reading
Kwiz nite.
As TV quiz shows grow ever dumber we eavesdrop on a pilot show that never got broadcast. Theme tune (voice over sung by a former, desperate, ageing, pop star – the host. ) Curtain up! Light a light! It’s Friday … Continue reading
Sponsored showing off. Taa Daa!
The first thing to note about showing off is that it’s pointless without an audience. The desirable audience is gullible, easily impressed, comprising dumb gawpers and slow witted smart remark makers with laryngitis. The ideal audience is vocal – ooh! … Continue reading
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Which genius writer put all the clocks forward on Saturday night but forgot to set an alarum? I did. Which genius writer put all her stock online and then had swine flu instead of making enough replacements to keep shoppers … Continue reading
L’Oscar acceptance speech de moi.
1st draft. Little did I dream when I accidentally backed into shot whilst sweeping up the leaves five times (wait for the laugh) that I would be written into the script, what with the running out of light and film. … Continue reading
Up Olympus.
Three loud knocks. Sound of a heavy door opening. Top god Greetings mortal. Who comes to Olympus to seek the aid of the gods? Step forward and identify yourself. Mortal Erm hello, I’m Marcus, son of Heracles. Top god … Continue reading