Category Archives: The parrot has landed.

Wicked leaks.

My name is Elvis Smethwick and TO WHOM IT MAY CONSERN, as part of my student revolt, as I have not been given any of my demands, I plan to leak like a siv.  This is only the begining.  I … Continue reading

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Elvis Smethwick – revolting student.

To whom it may consern – one day is not enugh, my name is Elvis and I am revolting forever.  I wish to xpress solidity and stand solid with my bretheren and sisteren in towns and sities across the country. … Continue reading

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The legs of the Mona Lisa and what they might of looked like. A Theesis by Elvis Smethwick.

  University of the Top Shops. Histry bit Two (2). I kno it is quick to be doing a theesis after only a year and a bit at Uni but, (or, as we say at uni,) how-evver,  Mr Ahmed, my … Continue reading

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Just…….

…a brief posting to say I know I haven’t been posting.  The kitchen has been taking every waking hour since the builder walked out on us a fortnight ago. As we are hoping, unlike the first world war, that it … Continue reading

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The return of the kitchen makeover rides out again.

Have I spent the day wrestling with the thirty odd new items to go in the shop?  No I have not.  I have spent the day wrestling with the kitchen sink. This is odd to say the least, sink wrestling … Continue reading

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The geriatric kitchen.

When Ally McBeal married Indiana Jones, I thought: now there’s a woman will never lack for a kitchen cupboard.  Before his widely publicised and emulated skill of hat wearing, the groom used to be a carpenter; the ability to put … Continue reading

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I should be so lucky, lucky……

This year has been such a joy from the off.  Dedicated readers of this column will have noted the first up, best dressed, early starting nature of the awfulness, commencing in the first few weeks with swine flu.  You may … Continue reading

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Bloke for a day.

Midweek Miniatura will be along shortly, featuring a brand new exhibitor from halfway round the world but right now I’m too tired to write it, having been a bloke for a day. Early in the AM one bloke turned up … Continue reading

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Descent into hysteria + this week’s mystery object.

Do you love a bit of a mystery? Oh good, here it is: Moreover, because I like you, here’s the other side.  Before I show you, I’d just like to point out that this bit of junk is utterly crucial … Continue reading

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Progress.

I hope you can forgive the lack of postings.  I’ve been working twelve hour days.  This morning I was rung from a lorry near Bedford to say kitchen wall units would be here before eight, so I had the fastest … Continue reading

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