Category Archives: The parrot has landed.

Extreme sports no.4 Freebase upholstery.

This may be a short posting; I’m having an early night, retiring injured, as indeed we both are after some extreme upholstery. You never think of dining chairs as dangerous, do you?  Five trillion years ago they were a wedding … Continue reading

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Oh it all makes work for the working man to do.

Here we are in a new year with the stubborn remnants of the old year clinging to it like dirt on the last lump of piled up snow in the corner of the car park. I really thought the house … Continue reading

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The joy of socks.

Consider socks, if you will.  (Of course, if you won’t we’re stuffed from the off, you might as well go and do something else.) They’re a really good ending to a leg, don’t you think? The trouble with socks is … Continue reading

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Elvis Smethwick – the future.

Dear Nan, Thank you for the hat that you knitted, it will keep my ears warm and the pink, green and purple stripes will almost match two pairs of socks and an odd one that Iv’e got. For Christmas, Mr … Continue reading

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Elvis Smethwick – betraied!

I have been betraied and let down by education.  I am betraied and furious.  I am beyond frustrated.  Can you beleive it?  I went to the life class, right?  With the model, OK?  In the nude with no clothes on, … Continue reading

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Elvis Smethwick rides again.

Stop Press!  Hold the front page! I have amazing news!  In the tea break Mr Ahmed said ‘Elvis there is an oportunity for you to sit in at the FE collidge Art class, if you wish.’  I said, ‘When is … Continue reading

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Elvis Smethwick – X factor talent scout.

                                                                  Universitty of the Top Shops                                                      Year 2                                                      History with art history. Dear Mr Pewtin,             I see you can sing, in English, while playing the piano.  My mum is not surprised. ‘He’s the leader of Russia, Elvis, … Continue reading

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Winter reader service part 2. Enforced entertaining.

It’s awful, isn’t it?  Round about this time of year, just when you are utterly skint, custom obliges you to entertain and feed people you never see from one year’s end to the next.  In the main they are seriously … Continue reading

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How to keep warm and save fools.

Elvis Smethwick is in bed with boy flu.  He tried to get to London, or indeed anywhere, to join in with a student protest but got soaked in slush by a gritting lorry as it passed the bus stop.  Please … Continue reading

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Wicked leaks 2.

Sensitiv areas near the top shops. (Do not read this if you are a spy or a terorrist. I am not unpatriotic or in the pay of another country – I wish- or in the pay of anyone, in fact … Continue reading

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